Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
