we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
