direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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