I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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