every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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