While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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