Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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