No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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