the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
