a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
