I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
