I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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