I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
