I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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