So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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