I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
