just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
