My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.