I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
