I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
