i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom