did you get engaged???
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?