I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.