Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
