he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
