Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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