I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
