If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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