Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
