i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So vagazzling was a success
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
