I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
