at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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