just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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