then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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