the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
