he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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