Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
