Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
this hospital has no fireball
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
