You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
