I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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