You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
