if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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