I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize