i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
