Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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