Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
