I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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