new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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