if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize