i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
