Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
