you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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