I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
