I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
