Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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