Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
