WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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