Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
