Moan for me like Helen Keller
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Holy sore nipples Batman
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
