I understand Curling. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
