I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
