mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
