Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
