can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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