Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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