all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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