yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
