Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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