Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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