in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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