I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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