Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
