I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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