I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize