Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
