You were right. It hurts to walk today.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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