your parents love me but you hate me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize