Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
