I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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