Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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