Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
